Jorryn-isms

It’s true. Kids really do say the darndest things. Ever since Jorryn voiced her first Da-Da sounds at around 6 months of age, she’s been delighting and—let’s be honest here—sometimes annoying us with a never-ending barrage of sounds and utterances.  

Since pregnancy and motherhood have given me the attention span and memory of a gnat, I wanted to write these “Jorryn-isms” down so I don’t forget them. Plus, I think friends and family (and maybe Peep someday) will get a kick out of reading them.  Some of them are made-up words or funny pronunciations and others are just exclamations or favorites.  At any rate, here they are:

Me-Me (pronounced Mimi): I’m partial, but this one’s my favorite. It’s what she calls me. Not sure why MaMa, Mom, or Mommy never made the cut but I love this. I always know when she’s talking or calling to me and when she’s throwing a temper tantrum and screaming in public, I can always look around and pretend she belongs to someone named Mimi.

Ah ______: Again, not sure how this came about but Jorryn prefaces many of her words with “Ah” or “a.” Ah ball. Ah book. Ah Me-Me.

Kiddee!!!!: She used to refer to the cat with meowing noises but now she screams KIDDEE!!!!! Whenever she sees our cat Jayden and chases him around the house. He’s not a fan but we think it’s hilarious.

Keen: This is how she says “clean.” And she loves to get paper towels, baby wipes, Kleenex, or toilet paper, and clean up around the house. Unfortunately, she usually tries to eat the paper product when she’s done. Gross.

Animal Noises: Speaking of animal noises, these were some of her first words and sounds and still some of her favorites.
Woof-Woof: This is the only thing she’ll say in regards to dogs or puppies. It was her first animal noise and her favorite “lovey” is a stuffed pink dog that goes “woof-woof.” She sleeps with it in her crib. J
Cat: Mow (rhymes with wow)
Lion: Rarrrrrrr (sounds like a garbled growl)
Pig: snorting noises with her nose squished up
Snake: Ssssssssssssss
Monkey: Ooooh ooooh ooooooh
Dolphin: EEE EEE EEE (This may seem like a weird one to teach a toddler but it’s kind of a family trait to be able to make a good dolphin noise, right Uncle Andy?)

Bubble: This one’s notable because it was her first two-syllable word that wasn’t Da-Da. Plus, the girl loves her some bubbles.

Nana!!!!: This is what she calls bananas. They are her favorite food by far. She eats AT LEAST one a day.

Oh No! : This is probably her favorite phrase. She says it ALL the time for just about any reason you can think of.

Granimal: Okay, so Jorryn doesn’t exactly pronounce this one yet, but it’s what we’ve called my Mom since the start. It began with a pair of animal print pajamas, a little sleep deprivation, and a Grandma who was willing to stay up all hours of the night soothing “the hornet” in the early days wearing said animal-print jammies. It’s a kind of complicated nickname but it stuck…what do you do?

Bob-Bob: Bob-bob is my Dad, Grandpa Bob.

‘Allo!: This is how she says “hello” when she’s playing with phones. It’s hilarious…she says it with a British or French accent. Who knows where she picked that up?

Ah Choo-Choo! :Peep LOVES trains. This one is self-explanatory.

Ah, ah, ah, choo!: She fake sneezes too…I have no clue where she got this either.

I did it!: We can probably thank Dora the Explorer for this, but she loves to run around the house saying “I did it!” And when Dora comes on TV, she doesn’t say Dora—she calls it “Ah Boots” after Boots the monkey on the show.

Colors: We’ve recently been working on colors. Her favorite is green (pronounced geen). Everything is geen…although lellow and purr-pole are also contenders.

Farts: It’s not classy, but I’m going to include it in this list. Any time she hears tooting noises (fake or real) she laughs and says PooPoo! I shouldn’t encourage it, but let’s face it; farts are funny at any age.

Baybee!!!: This is what she screams when she sees any baby but especially her new brother. On a related note, she seems incapable of saying “baby” at any volume under a million decibels.  Needless to say, she often wakes up or startles Tanner with this one.

Bubba: When she tries to say brother, something like Bubba comes out. It’s cute.  As far as nicknames go, it’s not too shabby . We’ll see how it goes . J

So there you have it. I’m sure I’m forgetting some and that I’ll add to this list in the future but these are the ones that come to mind at present. I can’t wait to show these to Jorryn when she’s old enough to be embarrassed by them.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!!!

It’s only fitting that Halloween is right around the corner because I’m pretty sure nothing comes closer to a real-life zombie than the parent of a newborn. For the past four weeks, I’ve been stumbling around in a sleep-deprived stupor, moaning and groaning my way through the days and nights. And while I haven’t started consuming human brains just yet, I’d probably eat pretty much anything  else you put in front of me that I didn’t have to prepare myself.

The first month has been a bit on the rough side. Don’t get me wrong, Tanner is an awesome baby with a very sweet disposition. He only cries when he wants to eat…but therein lies the problem. He’s the hungriest little hippo on the block! (Not sure why I expected anything less from my “little big man.” He did weigh 9 lbs. at birth!) Anyhoo, piggy pants pretty much wants to nurse every 1.5-2.5 hours. As you can imagine, this non-stop feeding frenzy leaves very little time for sleeping or attempting once-taken-for-granted mundane activities like showering and brushing my teeth.

And then there’s the added challenge: my precocious, noisy, on-the-brink-of-terrible-twos toddler, Jorryn (aka Peep). At 20 months, she knows what the baby is, loves saying “baby, baby!,” and seems generally enthralled with our new addition. The flipside is that she’s very jealous when I’m feeding and tending to baby and when I’m not looking, she consistently tries to poke his eyes out and put a dent in his soft spot with a variety of toys and household objects. It’s not malicious, she just doesn’t know her own strength when she’s “loving” her brother.

I try to keep a level head and a modicum of patience by reminding myself that her world has been turned upside down, but it’s tough for everyone involved and I’m fairly certain Peep’s still trying to figure out when the baby is going to go away and things will go back to normal.

Speaking of “normal,” we’re still trying to figure out exactly what that means. Juggling a toddler that needs attention with a newborn that needs even more attention while dealing with sleep deprivation, recovering from surgery, and tending to super-sore boobies, is definitely challenging. Fortunately, I’ve been extremely blessed to have my mom on hand much of the past month as well as help from various friends and family members in the form of meals, visits, and phone calls that have helped to restore and maintain my sanity. I’m beyond appreciative of all the love and support from those close to us and will try to keep everyone posted on our journey as we find our groove as as a family of four. Happy (almost) Halloween, everyone!

The Final Countdown

For the last few weeks, I’ve had the annoying experience of “The Final Countdown” (that awful song from one of the Rocky movie soundtracks) playing on repeat in my head. It’s only fitting. With only three short days to go until my C-section and birth of our son, I’m nervous, excited, and to be perfectly honest…scared sh*tless.

Most of my fear stems from the unknown. Will Tanner be healthy? Will he be a good baby? Will my surgery/recovery go smoothly? Will he let us sleep? Will Josh and I be able to handle the pressure of our growing family? Will Jorryn behave and be a good big sister to him or will we have to build him a baby cage for protection? The list goes on and on.

This morning I woke up at 5AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. My busy brain just kept reeling and my nearly 39-week-preggo body was aching in protest of my little “passenger.” But the end is near and though I’m freaking out a little, I’m also beyond ready to meet my son.

This may well be my last post for a while…until things settle down, at least. I’m off to enjoy my final few days “alone” with my sweet little girl, to toss some outstanding items in my hospital bag, and to try to sneak in a couple more naps and put my feet up while I still know the meaning of the word “rest.” Until next time, wish us luck!

Pop Quiz Time

Get ready, kids. It’s pop quiz time.

Which of the following is acceptable to say to a pregnant woman?

A)     WOW, you look like you are going to POP!!! When are you due?

B)      How far along are you? You’re HUGE!!!

C)      How many babies are in there?!?

D)     That must be a boy/girl. I can tell because of how ginormous your belly/ hips/back/butt is getting.

E)      You look great.

If you chose anything other than “E,” beware. You may have awoken the dragon.

Us preggos are a sensitive bunch. We know it, you know it. And while it may not be entirely fair that people have to tread lightly to avoid cascades of seemingly unwarranted tears or fits of hormonal rage it is what it is—and thankfully, it’s not permanent.

As I rapidly approach my due date at the end of the month, it’s kind of fun to watch the mixed reactions of awe and fear when I come around. Business owners and people in elevators look nervous, as if I’m going to drop to the floor and go into labor right there. Sensitive friends, family members, and strangers offer words of encouragement and tell me that the end is near and that I look great—despite the fact that I’m waddling around like a water buffalo with cankles. And then there’s the clueless and the just plain rude folks out there who feel the need to utter variations of A-D above.

I received the best compliment the other day. The hubs and I were at the waterpark with Jorryn and a woman came up to me and told me how cute I looked pregnant. Now, regardless of the veracity of that statement, it was the nicest thing anyone had said to me in days. And it made me feel good—especially since at the time I was hanging out (literally) in a bikini.

The moral of the story? In the land of pregnancy, a kind word or two goes a long, long way.  

Sh!t My Kid Eats…Literally

So, I’m just going to come out and say it. My kid is gross.

She will eat anything—and I mean ANYTHING—off the ground, picked off a wall (or her nose), from the trash…you name it, she’s probably tried it. I told the pediatrician about it and we had her tested for anemia. No dice. She just likes to put random crap (sometimes literally) in her mouth.

Here’s a partial list of inappropriate items that proved far too delicious for her to resist…and these are just the ones from recent memory:

Rabbit poop
Dried worms
Bird poop
Kitty litter
Hairballs
Her crib
Whole coffee beans
Cat food
Toilet paper/paper towels/Kleenex
Dirt
Flip flops
Leaves/sticks

The crowning glory was the poisoned ant bait I found with teeth marks in it. (Before you judge, I thought it was out of reach. And I would have called poison control but she only chewed on the plastic outside and didn’t seem to be acting strangely.)

Ironically, she won’t come within five feet of a vegetable. Those are flung off her high chair tray faster than I can bat an eye. Maybe if I wrapped broccoli in a cat turd I’d have better luck.

So for now it’s a game of vigilance and a test of speed. You’d be surprised how fast a 35-week-pregnant lady can move when her baby’s about to stuff poop down her gizzard. Good times.

Welcome to Mommyville—Population: Me

After more than 11 years of being (mostly) gainfully employed, I’m embarking on a new career: stay-at-home Mom. With baby #2 due to arrive in a little over four weeks and an ever-willful and independent 18-month-old toddler on my hands, this “job change” isn’t just practical, it’s a necessity.

Before I had kids, I always found myself wondering what exactly women who didn’t work outside of the home did all day. Today, I’m able to laugh openly at my naiveté. Keeping Jorryn (a.k.a. Peep) entertained, fed, safe, and happy leaves me far more drained and exhausted than working a normal 40-hour workweek ever did…and being almost 35 weeks pregnant complicates matters even more. Not that I’m complaining. Though being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had, it’s also the most rewarding.

One of the main reasons the hubs and I decided to have me stay home for a while was because I was been constantly struggling with the feeling that I was trying to juggle too many responsibilities—and not doing a truly good job at any of them. Devoting ample time and attention to my career meant that TV was babysitting Peep and I was a bad mommy. Focusing solely on the baby for a morning made me feel guilty for being a bad employee. And forget about the sugary sweet June Cleaver wife stereotype. After a day of trying to juggle work and child rearing I’d be lucky to have gotten a shower in, much less clean the house or have dinner and a cocktail waiting for my husband as he came through the door.

I feel very fortunate and blessed to be able to take a slight hiatus from my career in order to raise the kiddos for a while. I’m appreciative of my husband for the hard work he does to support us. I’m thankful to my parents who taught me early on about the importance of managing and saving money and not getting into debt. And I’m thankful that I have an amazing group of friends—many of them stay-at-home mommies themselves—who will be around for fun play dates and to help me navigate these unfamiliar waters.

I can’t possibly know what the next few weeks and months have in store, but I’m sure it’s going to be one heck of a ride.